Show Anxiety Sucks....

And I just need to be more patient. It's not going to happen overnight. Maybe not even in 3 years. I need to figure out how to get over my anxiety and nerves, and give him a fair ride. I'm not sure which one of us starts the cycle of tenseness, but it doesn't go away. He's the most sensitive horse I've ever ridden, by far. I need to start taking him places, and just letting him chill. It'd be easier if I had a trailer. So I guess my goal for this year is to take him to as many places as I can. If we ride, great, if not, that's okay too. I need to have more patience, and maybe readjust my goals. They were originally baby beginner novice, which wouldn't be a problem for his skill level I don't think. It will just depend on if I can get him to go places without a meltdown.

In fairness to him, I didn't prepare as well as I should have for this last show. Since it was at home, I figured he'd be great. And I had a wonderful ride on him the day before, so I thought - "Yay! We CAN do this!" The big brown horse proved me wrong :) When I saw how hyped up he was, I should have taken him somewhere and just let him canter it out. But I wasn't sure where to do it...the round pen was flooded, horses were in the pastures, and the outdoor looked pretty muddy as well. Indoor was used for the show. But now I know for next time :) Even if there's a show at home, I need to set him up for success by letting him get all his running and bucking out BEFORE I get on and tense up.

Anyway...back to the recap. We got on, we walked, we trotted. Trotting was like riding a giraffe, but he settled a little. Since it was just a schooling show, I should have said heck with it and ridden him in the running martingale, but I was *trying* to practice for real shows. But we went in to our walk/trot Eq. class, and managed a 1st place. Mostly because I was riding against little little kids who didn't know their diagonals. So I felt really bad. But then in the next class we got 4th out of 4 because he was head up, cantering, etc. Completely inconsistent. So I redeemed myself, and didn't have to feel bad anymore :)

I put him back in his stall for a while, and thought maybe he'd chill. When I got back on a couple of hours later, he seemed a bit more relaxed. But wasn't really. When we did Intro A, he tried to trot out of the arena. Came down centerline sideways and wouldn't stop, etc. I'm sure it was entertaining for everyone watching. Intro B wasn't a whole lot better. Both tests were videotaped, I can't wait to watch those...not. But...whatever. I need to just chill with him. I went back out that night and rode him and he was great. Rode both tests and he was 100 times better. Ugh.

I don't know what to do anymore :( I wish I could fix me, because I'm sure that's the problem. We have the hunter pace on the 25th, and I'm nervous already. But I need to go into it with the attitude that he will be okay. We CAN do this. I just wish he had the rider/owner that he deserves...I feel like all his talent is going to waste!